'94 Til Infinity

Twenty Six.

One year for every letter of the alphabet. One prayer for everything that hasn’t happened yet. 

And a million for all I’ve made it through. For years getting a year older’s something I’d hate to do. Cried myself to sleep right after a couple midnights, cause life felt incomplete and I wondered when I would get right. The thing about perspective through the tears, is it dims lights. Camera, action. The fans are clapping. How much in a year could happen? My life is a theater caption. Can’t make up or conceal my passion, they started to feel my actions. 

11 minutes left on the 11th as I write this. If you’re reading this, your mere presence counts as my gift. Someone to reach with my thoughts, I need your support. When I feel I’m understood it’s really easy to talk. My parents are probably worried that I’m leaving my job. But it’s a decision that I made because I need it for Shaun. My back is against the wall but that’s what keeping me strong. Literally showing out, I feel the need to perform. So no one can ever look back and say that “he did it wrong.” 

It’s been a little tougher sleeping, no ones keeping me warm. But the beauty in me chilling is I’m free to be Shaun. 

I did my best to shed a tear, it won’t fall. Talk with God that ended with a prayer that you won’t call. 

Leave me alone, the way that you spoke on my name was crazy. Really said that Mona made me, damn you almost had my babies(hypothetically). But I dodged a bullet. You wished me worse and then used God to do it? It won’t ever be the same, it’s not at all congruent. Never call my phone again, we’ll only talk through music. 

“It seems mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the means” - Michael Scott

It’s too late, I wrote it already. It’s 8:12 on August 12th, this should’ve posted already. Today I’m celebrating life but thinking “hold the confetti” I know that I’m ready. Remember I was broken and empty. My foes think I’m friendly. The only ones with a problem, those who hope to forget me. 

But they never will, I keep getting better still. Hurts she turned to petulance, I put her on a pedestal. Thought process is priceless, wouldn’t sell my mind for 7 mil. The Year of The Alphabet, I’m writing letters still. 

I’ve got spectacular penmanship, I’m a masterful lyricist. I start writing down my words like “damn I have to remember this.” Domino effect, because I have to deliver this. “Shaun you quit a bank job, are you actually serious?” 

Sink or Swim, I lost my thought so I’ll just think again. 

I’ll follow Urim and Thummim to where the king intends. The old king told the shepherd “Always know what you want.” At the plate with the bases loaded, I’m supposed to just bunt? Ain’t no sac fly’s. When church opens back up, I might get baptized. Shooting for the stars, you can watch me take it that high. The most high, S/O to the man above who ghost writes, every single line I’ve ever written in my whole life. I found the light in myself, and now my mind’s in good health. I won the battle cause I realized I was fighting myself. 

Birthdays 21-23 I cried myself to sleep after midnight, wondering when I’d get right. Feeling like a constant failure who should’ve quit life. It’s quite amazing what a couple years can do. Stepping into my potential, now that the fear’s removed. And those who pay attention are starting to feel it too. And those who hoped it wasn’t are starting to fear it’s true. I pose a question on purpose and start what I’m here to do. And you should’ve thought again if you thought I was here to lose. 

These are random thoughts that flowed as I attempted to write something cohesive for the first time since... 

Well, I guess as long as I remember. But, this I’m gonna post, cause it’s stronger than defenders. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Kanye made me wonder what it means when you dream. Mom taught me to do so with my eyes open, I’m just following the current wherever my mind’s flowing. I’ve been meditating. These words sick, I’m getting better patience. I even wrote them so clearly you really read the cadence. A lot that I left out, I’m getting right with the pen. So you’ll be hearing from me soon, I think I’m writing again. 

I’m at peace with me and that’s worth everything it seems to be. If you’re reading this, you don’t know everything it means to me. There's a chance that I only wrote this here to prove that I'm clever. It's really becoming clear that I can do this forever.

Thank you to every single person who wished me a happy birthday. It truly means the world. You guys said some of the nicest things a person can dream of having said to them. That’s not taken for granted in any way. Thank you for believing in me. I try to avoid making promises. I promise not to let you down. 

Love. 

                               - Shaun Geddes